Do You Know the Markers of being Crazy?

They say that people who are insane preform the same actions over and over again only to get the same failure. If this is the marker of being crazy then this is me. I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, hoping that something will suddenly be different and I'll finally get the positive result. After a heart to heart with one of my friends last night, I think that I actually enjoy this sad, miserable, chopped liver feeling. Like being a cutter only instead of physical harm its mental/emotional. Or my insanity is coming from the near constant lack of sleep for the last 2 or so weeks.
I'm scared for this semester to end, to lose really everyone in my life here in Bloomington. I'm not going to have my midnight walks with my friends, I'm not going to be able to go sleep over and see my ex-lover, I'm going to be alone with my thoughts. My few friends that do live local have jobs and lives of their own and wont always have time for me. I don't wanna lose my life that I have now, I'm conformable in it.
I'm going to go be emo...and then really really drunk

Just When I Had It All Figured Out.....

I officially have no clue about what is going on. I thought I did...but now I don't think I do. And as I sit here outside my favorite cafe sporting 2 of the most massive hickies known to the world, I am clueless as to what direction my life is going. I'm trying so hard to keep my walls up when I am with my ex, even throwing out comments that I know would piss him off just to confirm to myself that I have them up still. Yes it's mean, and I hate pissing him off but I just don't trust them to stay up.
I don't understand his obsession with my one night screw up either, yes I slept with another man. But that night other than the damage that it did to every relationship that I have, that night is totally insignificant and un-important in my life I don't ever think about it unless he brings it up. I had no interest in the other guy...in fact I found him quite repulsive....and where I am right now with my ex is exactly where I want to be. I want to sleep in the arms of my ex, be kissed by him, and share his bed. I hate that he feels that night was more important that it actually was.
My walls are falling....why can't I be what he wants? I hate how the other girls treat him, they don't see him for who he is, making him feel so insignificant....when in all actuality he is so significant, and important.

PMS Boys

Many people (like the male half of the population) say that there is no way that men can have PMS. Oh do I beg to differ! The men in my life are moody, bitchy, and most of all distance. When you feel like shit, wouldn't you want to be around people you like and care about you? I guess I'm wrong, I guess you push them away and turn into little emo asses!! I might worry and count my chicks before they hatch, but I don't see how pushing people away can solve anything. But hell what do I know.

More Worries, Different Day

In true fashion, what I was worrying about a few days ago seems silly. My friend is just peachy....my mind makes things worse than they are. Its funny really knowing that my mind is a dangerous, one would think that I would really think twice about my worrisome little thoughts. Oh no I have to freak out for 24-48 hours before my mind is at peace so here we go with some more silly worries.

I'M NEVER GOING TO GET THIS PAPER DONE! NOR AM I GOING TO GET MYSELF OUT OF THIS DAMN HOLE OF PAPERS FOR MY OTHER CLASSES!

I wanna cry, I'm so stressed to the point that I've been giving myself headaches. This month can't go by fast enough, and yet I don't want it to end too fast or this work is going to kill me! The only thing that I can do is to take big breaths and drink some tea and hope that I'm smart enough to get out of this mess. Which I can do, I've gotten in bigger messes before and got out with some dignity. Ok, 1,2,3...I think I'm good now

A Few Minutes to Play With My Worrystone

I'm known for being a worrywart. Obsessively actually, and I'm worrying a lot the last few weeks about a close friend of mine. He isn't acting like himself, and I'm not sure if there is anything that I can do to help. He drinks a lot, says hurtful things, doesn't follow through with plans, and is acting distant.
I know that there is nothing I can do about it, but feeling helpless isn't something that I'm good at. I know he's graduating is stressful, the unknown is scary....but I don't feel like lashing out is the way to do it.
I guess the only thing that I can do is to be strong, and hope this gets worked out soon.