Chakras and Balance

The Cheshire Cat asks Alice if she can stand on her head, and then takes off his head and stands atop it. I cannot stand on my head, but from the 18 weeks of yoga classes that I took my sophomore year of college, taught me is that doing a head or shoulder stand can reline the chakras and help find balance. I cannot do a head stand, but I can do a shoulder stand, and have found myself doing that quite often.
Finding balance isn't something that I'm good at, and I think that I have not only lost the balance in my life, but lost sight of what is important. I don't know if this is to do with my influences or with my Anahata (heart chakra) being too bright and not fitting in with the balance of my other chakras. But I have come to terms with my life at this moment, and I just need to get my head on straight and look eternally for what I need to-do, what makes me happiest, and most of all what person I want and need to be.

A Different Kind of Lost Love

I've made a huge mistake, and I've lost my best friend as a result. I don't blame her for not being around me and to not trust me when I can't even trust myself. I love her and never meant to hurt her, and that's exactly what I've done. And like I did when I lost my last love, I've buried the pain; she left Bloomington to get away. I can't do anything to change the situation, I'm just going to give her some space and pray that someday she and everyone around me can trust me again. I'm lost and alone. So what do I do, I think that I'm going to try and go to church and find some answers. And get back on the path that I used to be on, the one that made sense.

As for the other thing I just did tonight, I don't know. But right now, I'm not hurting anyone by keeping it between me and my conscience. I'm not ready to start anything, so I'm not...but it felt so good "like my own personal brand of heroin"

Which way is up?

Going with my unhealthy interest in Alice in Wonderland, I've been finding myself questioning what side of the Looking Glass I've gone on. Though now that I can call myself a functioning human, no longer curling up in a ball and crying about my ex. I find myself in situations that I'm not familiar with, dating being the biggest one. I'm happy....ish. Happiness is not something that I have allowed myself to have in a long time, and here I am.
But back to my issues with the Looking Glass, I question what side I'm currently in...the real world or Wonderland? Is what I see the world that is really out there or is it a reflection of what I want to be out there? I mean it's not ever night I find myself making out with a total stranger after a night at the bar....I don't want that to be me...that's not me. Of course then again I need to find out who the heck I am anymore, the person I though was me was destroyed in the break-up. That girl is dead, and I've found that I'm more of an empty frame...empty and lonely. And what I can only describe as an emo hippie.
Yes it's true I have amazing friends, and wouldn't trade them for anything, but it's been brought to my attention that I really am alone; no one to come home to, no one to watch TV in bed with, no one to ask me how my day was. I think I need to find two grand, then I can buy a dog.
I'm also tired of my friends judging me for "drinking too much". They mean well, I'm sure but they really don't understand how little I actually go drinking. I tend to binge when I do drink and that's were the funny stories come from, but the fact that they believe that my life is controlled by the bottle is ridiculous. I'm not some train wreck, and drinking because I can't deal with not having my ex in my life.
OK OK...Peace out, I've got a date to finish getting ready for!

An Order of Crazy with a Side of Madness

OK I've made it through the most trying times of the winter season, Christmas and New Year. And I'm welcoming 2010 with open arms, and watching the Winter Classic at Fenway. I've found that I really enjoy hockey this winter, I'm smelling a football substitute for the winter months. In all actuality the last week hasn't been too bad, I've been called a drunk by a friend that I no longer speak to, and rang in the New Year with my close friends here at home. But I'm ready for the start of the Spring semester and to throw myself back into my work, that and I can't freaking wait to get into the museum...a dream come true!

Peace out ya'll! Its bowl day, and man is the field for the Penn State game a mess!