Emotional cutting

OK, not going to lie. This is a new one for me I've never been much for journaling or expressing what I feel in words it is much easier to to just cry all the time. However I think that before I start spilling my guts to the void that is the internet I should tell you the truth.

I was in a 6 year long relationship with the man I wanted to marry, on November 12 of this year, he left me. Didn't want to work things out, just told me that he was unhappy. He did cry, and most of those minutes when he was talking to me about why he was leaving I don't remember. What I do remember is this: he wasn't happy with our relationship, he really didn't know why, and the last thing I remember him saying was that "don't guilt trip me into this again". I sorta blanked out after that, the next thing I know is that I'm calling one of my close friends and crying on the floor, my dearest friend came over as soon as he called her to tell her what happened and that I would need her.

So here I am doing some emotional cutting, this seems like the best way to maybe move on and stop making so many bad decisions as that is what I feel like I've been doing left and right since he left...now I know what you're thinking "Everyone does stupid things, what makes her any different?" I'm not a crazy wild child, I try and be rational as much as possible, these last few weeks have been anything but rational.

Starting with the Navy boys....

Going to a bar for $.25 32 oz. drafts is NEVER a good idea when you're newly single after 6 years. I just wanted a cheap beer and to go to bed, when at the bar my friend and I meet 2 guys that are in the Navy, Ben who was celebrating his 7 out of 10 years in the Navy and his friend Tony who is going to college while he is on active reserve. To make the story short, they bought my friend and I quite a few rounds, and then invited us back to their house for some beer pong. This is a Thursday night, and being a college student, I have class in the morning...but who cares when you're drunk and feeling really good; not to mention that going back to a strange man's house isn't exactly a good idea either. OK fine we go back to the house, have a few more drinks and then play about 3 rounds of Pong....I'm not what you would call a "heavy drinker". Omitting my more funny moments that I've been told about, I throw up about 11 times (according to Tony and my friend) and right now all I can think of is that this would have never of happened if he didn't leave me.

But I know that's a lie....he doesn't really love me, and I have a feeling in my gut that he hadn't for quite sometime. I can't give the full story right now, it hurts to talk too much about him, maybe tomorrow I can.